If you have any good male friends or brothers who talk honestly to you about their relationships, you’ll probably agree with this statement: women are seriously hard work. In fact, one particular group of Dubai-based men known by the Aquarius team has gone so far as to make up an acronym for it: BBC, which stands for Broads Be Crazy (with the first word being changeable for any word that means ‘women’ and starts with a ‘b’).
Before you start hating on us for reneging on decades of sexual-equality campaigning, we are not saying women are stupid halfwits. Far from it. We are saying that, emotionally, we are strong, complex characters and that, when up against a woman who is emotionally charged, most men don’t stand a chance.
We will manipulate, lie, beg and steal in order to get what we want. We will play games until they become second nature. And we will be so convincing of our untruths that even we start to believe them ourselves.
Unfortunately, however, many of us end up shooting ourselves in the foot with these games – and the rest of womankind in the process.
Here are a few of the most common lies women tell men (and themselves) in relationships:
1. “I’m not looking for anything serious.”
Truth: You have already mentally moved in together, met his parents (who love you), planned your wedding and started a family.
2. “I’m really happy on my own right now.”
Truth: I have been hurt more times than I care to mention and I haven’t recovered enough yet to risk being hurt again.
3. “I’m totally fine with casual dating.”
Truth: There is a direct link between how regularly I hear from you and my insecurities. If I don’t get a Whatsapp from you in the next 24 hours, I’m going to be incapable of functioning.
Of course, this is a massive generalisation. Some women are not looking for anything serious, or indeed for anything at all. And some women are totally fine with casual dating. And if you are one of these elusive creatures, kudos to you and please write a book on that breeziness.
But the rest of us can teeter between ‘cool, calm and collected’ and ‘crazier than a box of frogs’ on a daily basis, because of love/marriage/relationship-related insecurities. And this is true for Smug Marrieds and Singletons; insecurities do not just melt away the minute you get a ring on your finger. They can linger and cause you pain in mysterious ways.
If you are not sure whether you are acting out of your insecurities or not, here are some telltale signs that you are:
1. Sending unsolicited images of yourself to men you are not in a relationship with. Ladies, not only does this cheapen your value to that of a McDonald’s drive-thru, but where do the rest of us stand if all we are offering is a conversation?
2. You are stalking him on Facebook, checking his time stamp on Whatsapp and trying to hack into his phone. You’ve been watching too much Homeland, girlfriend. Either your intuition is right and you have reason to be paranoid. Or your insecurities are working overtime. Either way, it’s time to get some space and get your head checked.
3. You are acting like a man. Stop pretending you are so hardcore and admit that you have normal female feelings and emotional needs. You aren’t kidding anyone with your female-Hugh Hefner attitude and your little black book of conquests. We know what you want most is some loving communication and genuine affection.
If you recognised yourself in some of those behaviours, fear not. You are not alone. According to the men we have asked, these are entirely common dating behaviours from women. And if the experts are to be believed, the answer is to start loving yourself. Tune in next month to find out how. Until then, try not to be a crazy broad. We are so much better than that.