Week 8, day 1
The countdown to the end of the challenge has started, and I decided to start this week with something different… In most people's minds, "Tarot card reading" means a woman in flowing robes, leaning over a small table in a candlelit room, foretelling impending doom! In reality, my reading was done by one of my closest friends, Mikaela where we were both still in workout clothes, with a lot of giggles and “I knew it” kinda thing!
You should know that there are two different types of Tarot reading: open reading and question reading. I had both! First was my open reading… Open readings address the larger aspects of your life rather than a specific problem area or question. They're usually done when you're entering a new phase of life. You can somewhat direct the reading if you have a general area you want to cover, such as your career or health, but that's as specific as the direction gets, so there we started…
Mikaela started off by lighting a couple of scented candles, followed by cleansing my aura, for those who are not familiar with what an aura is, it’s simply the energy field that surrounds the physical body, it surrounds you in all directions. After shuffling the cards a number of times “she told me the more I touch the cards, the better it is” the reading begun, where I had an insight of the current phase of my life, I had advice as well that I know from the beginning I should work on, mainly I need to “focus” and I shall get where I want to go, very helpful giving the rapid changes that are happening in my life at the moment. Note to Patricia: I’m focusing on the positive and what I want. Patricia taught me well, after all.
After my open reading, I was asked if I want to ask the cards anything, In question readings; you are addressing a specific question. Tarot is not intended to answer specific yes or no questions. Most say it also shouldn't be used to make decisions, but instead should be used as a guide to help you make the decision yourself. For this reason, the way a question is stated is very important. I’d say the best thing is to stay neutral and be positive; a question should be focused, but not overly detailed. Tarot readings are not really meant to tell your fortune or future. According to The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, "The most powerful sources of information come from within; the Tarot aids in coming in contact with one's Higher Self."
After my reading, we had a good workout session, followed by a home cooked meal by me! It’s really cool to have someone motivating you when it comes to healthy eating or regularly visiting the gym, too easy to fall of the wagon if it’s only you… nights out, big dinners, chocolate indulgence, of course there are the occasional “what the hell” but we try to remind each other to get back on the horse. So far it’s working well.
Week 8, day 3
It hit me today, that I actually do cook for myself now, I make the effort to buy groceries and cook at home, whether after work or after a workout session. It was as if I’m on autopilot during the past few weeks. Then I thought about it, if at a certain point of my life “not long ago” I managed to cook every single day of the week, recipes that I only thought great cooks “like my mum” can make (the previous burned grilled salmon was a one-off), to actually start cooking the minute I walk in from work, still in my suit, and sometimes on my weekends… why on earth wouldn’t I do that for myself!!
So with a conscious mind now, I cook and I do know how to cook “I was told I’m very good”, have to admit though, most of my meals now are pretty easy, I don’t use a lot of ingredients, I keep it very simple so I can manage with my busy schedule and food intolerance. I also started steaming my food now, I love it, and it’s healthy, light and super easy. Note to Sarah: I prepare meals ahead now.
Week 8, day 5
I was supposed to get my body composition and weigh in with Vanessa yesterday, but being very dedicated to what Sarah has planted in me, to always have something “preferably carbs” before my workout to give me the energy I need, I managed to always forget about the fact that I’m not supposed to eat or drink anything at least 3 hours before. so I didn’t really manage to get it until now, but looking at the bright side, it means I didn’t have my Kitkat yet, and to be honest the cravings have been a lot less than before.” is it normal that thinking about it now makes me crave it!!!”
As a distraction I go take a look at my goals, the ones I made with Patricia for my next 6 months, Whoever said that life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans, hasn’t been wrong at all, that person has been in touch with my future at the time I’m sure! With some of the changes I’m experiencing now, I edit some of my goals for the next few months; this feeling of being empowered and pretty much in charge of my own happiness is very fulfilling. Another reason to say that Patricia ROCKS! Her last hypnosis to me was about embracing change, guess it’s working so far so good, especially for someone who used to kinda freak out when it came to change.
Another something important today, was the email I received from Bhawna, very flattering, encouraging and motivating, it left me speechless for some good time, in a very good way. She has a way with words that is really beautiful, the kind that makes you wonder, how can I ever reply to that, so you try your best shot in hopes you would manage to express how thankful you are. Few weeks ago, Karin sent me an email as well that pretty much left me in tears, the happy ones, Karin is a very warm and smart woman and her words made me feel very special and strong. I’ve met amazingly real women through the challenge and can’t deny that each one of them has inspired me with something, and I know that no matter what I say I’ll never express to these ladies how grateful I am, for them to have crossed my path.
Week 8, day 7
“Remembering you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart”. Steve Jobs (may he rest in peace) said it and I live by it now, everything I’ve been through since the day I got married to this very day has been a learning experience. As I’m writing my last blog for my Life Challenge, I can’t help but to feel truly blessed and thankful, the past 2 months have taken me back to who I really am, in an even better way, I came out not only stronger and wiser but also more in peace and comfortable than ever in my own skin, in who I am and the woman I have become.
In a way it feels as if I have grown up a bit, I’m still a kid at heart because simply some things don’t change but now I know, not everyone you meet will have your best interest at heart, your trust is not to be given, it must be earned, always believe in the good of people but put yourself first and always listen to your inner voice, because most of the time it’s telling you the truth.
Two month ago, I was living as the shadow of who I used to be, been like that since the 3rd day of what should have been the happiest days of my life, but instead God wanted me to go through a rough time to strengthen me more and to give me a better life, the life I actually deserve. The transformation wasn’t easy and you get to realise that it’s an ongoing process, as Patricia told me, always moving forward. No more looking back and feeling sorry for what has happened, I’ve stored all the negativity away and only kept the learnings.
Honestly, in a way I’m grateful for my experience now, I have taken a risk by putting myself out there but as the saying goes “those who risk, win” I know I’ve won my own challenge against myself, after all I’m very much okay now, with saying to the world that I have survived an abusive marriage, not ashamed and not sorry, but grateful, very proud and looking forward to the new chapter of my life.