23 October 2018Last updated


Why aren’t you finding your soul mate?

A Dubai love guru offers her perspective on this relationship FAQ

13 Mar 2017 | 02:52 pm
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Soul mates – the idea that there is one perfect match for you in the universe – is an elusive concept, frequently condemned as being unrealistic. But Seda Goksel, a Dubai-based spiritual consultant and self-professed love guru, tells us that often people are going about looking for their soul mate all the wrong way. Here she offers her take on the popular relationship theory…

“Soul mates don’t exist in the way that people usually think they do. There are actually two kinds of person: soul mates and twin flames - and people often confuse them. Normally someone thinks a soul mate is a person they’ll have a romantic relationship with and is the one person they’re meant to spend the rest of their life with. But this isn’t the case. When you look at the phrase ‘soul mate’ you start to realise that we can have friends who are soul mates, male or female, and when we meet them it feels like we’ve known them our whole lives, we have a really deep connection with them. The kind of best friend where you finish each other’s sentences and you love the same things. The strength of this connection might fluctuate in intensity over time and you’ll also find that you can have many soul mates - whereas you can only have one twin flame.

Now twin flames are your opposite, they’re the other half of you, and make up the ying to your yang. This is typically people’s definition of soul mates, but this person is actually your twin flame. Not many people get to meet their twin flame in one lifetime. But now more than ever people are finding their twin flames and when you do it’s a connection that sustains its intensity over time.

Because they are the exact other half of you sometimes that clashes. They’re a mirror of you and so if you’re moody they’re going to be moody or if you’re a controlling type they will be as well. That’s where the couple experiences friction. Because of this usually one twin flame in the pair will try to run away – the relationship is so magnetic that it can draw the two together but can also repel. Yet once both people in the couple are in balance and harmony, it’s the best relationship, it enters a deeper level of connection. You learn if someone is your twin flame through life experiences, if something happens to them a kind of parallel thing happens to you.

There are a lot of similarities between soul mates and twin flames but the key difference is that soul mates exist to help each other grow and learn from each other on a conscious level. With twin flames the learning takes place on a higher level. It’s often difficult to tell between the two but the more you learn from your soul mates when you meet them the more likely you are to find your twin flame. Essentially, however, it all comes from you, when you’re in a better place, when you’ve worked on yourself, that’s when you attract the good vibrations into your life. I say to people ‘you can’t make someone love you, only you can change’. Your partner is a reflection of you and if you don’t love yourself they are going to reflect that. If you change the situation changes. And if someone can’t attract their twin flame or soul mates, it may be because that person has a blockage, they have a wall up from being hurt in the past that prevents them from meeting someone. You have to heal that so you don’t project it onto someone else. It’s essential that you cut chords and cut attachments to past relationships, from all the memories and traumas we experience.

There’s no guarantees that soul mates and twin flames are with you forever, sometimes they come into your life to help you evolve for a period of time, but I believe that if you are in balance and in harmony, when you meet your twin flame, it’s for life.”

Seda runs regular Higher Heart Activation workshops in Dubai expanding on the issues discussed here, for more information visit